Clique

The picture was taken so long ago, I had forgotten it had existed. I barely recognize us in it. My home girls. Five girl friends till the end. Looking at how young we are there, babies really, it makes me feel old. That was the last time we were all together.

It was taken on my best friends wedding day. Well more exactly on the day after the ceremony, during the gift opening party at her parents house. We are all tired, slightly hung over, and sad, as we pose one last time on the front steps before leaving for mostly good, on that Sunday afternoon so long ago. We all know life as we know it will never be the same for us. But we are excited for the future too. And happy, if not envious of our friend for having just married the man of her dreams and is about to depart to start her new life far away from us.

That's Diania on the far end of the steps we are all lined up. Bold and straight forward, Diania confidently looks directly into the camera's lens. It is her camera that takes this picture. We all admire her for the courage it has taken her as she recently moved to the big city and started photography classes on her own. She is the one who directed and organized us all to sit still for this. After she meets her abusive husband, and her family shuns her when she finally divorces him, it will be along time before she is able to look anyone, especially her self straight in the eye. It is years before I hear her infectious laughter pour out of her again.

Laney is sitting besides Dianna, mouth wide open in a nervous laugh. I know she is uncomfortable having this picture taken. She was not aloud her required two hours primping time before we all sat down and throw our arms around each other. Even though she is slightly slumped down, like she is wishing her body could fold it's self in on herself to hide, the body a brick shit house would envy, is visible. Maybe it is the stress of live as a single mother, or being the parent of a spoilt beast, that has caused Laney to gorge herself to unhealthy proportions, and rarely leave her apartment except to her dental practice.

There is Carry, front and center, as it should be, it is her day. She has been the main attraction for the long weekend and she has her practiced smile and head tilt down to a T. Her white blond hair is shining like a halo, and she looks so happy. She still does to this day. The desicion she made that weekend was the right one, young and inexperienced as she was. Her boys resemble her. They were well worth all the difficulties it took for her to have them. Big sky country has smiles down on her from the photo's she sends me of the mountain biking trips or her latest promotion with her career.

Then there is Laury, sitting taller than any of us, head back, long beautiful red hair tumbling around her face, bright blue eyes closed in laughter. I hope it is a reflex causing her to close her eyes, and not that she is still intoxicated from the previous night, or the voices telling her not to look. Damn those voices that stole Big Red's future. Why did she listen to them? The excess of alcohol, then drugs, sex, and now food and cigarettes were trying to abate what infallible hunger in her? Why could none of us seen where she was headed and helped her?

And that's me on the end. Looking at my friends out of the corner of my eye, hoping to freeze this moment in my mind for eternity. I look softer and rounder than I can ever remember being. At that point in my life, I had no set plans for my future. Of all of us, I have changed my vocation, location, and appearance the most. I can even remeber what I thought as the shutter closed. "C'mon already take the picture. I'm not going to ever forget this and my butt hurts from sitting on this cement in these tight jeans. I have a life to get on with. And if you don't take it soon I'm going to burst into tears."

This picture was worth a thousand words when it was taken. It is priceless with memories now.